The Wind in the Trees

Our daughter, Sara, married a wonderful man. As it was a second marriage for both her and Mark, you know there were past difficult circumstances. Here is Mark’s description, in his own words, of the violent storm he was forced to weather:

In 2020 my world was turned upside down with the news that my wife, Jerilee, had been diagnosed with cancer. A month or so later, coincidently the same day the world was shut down due to the COVID-19 outbreak, we were told her cancer had metastasized to the bones and she was now deemed “incurable.”

That was the hardest day of my life. The next two years were challenging on so many levels as we journeyed through treatments, lockdowns, home schooling two girls, surgeries, false hope, and eventually her death in February of 2022.

All this time, however, I felt incredibly loved. I had the best parents in the world who supported us literally every day in any way they could. I also had amazing friends that prayed with me, cried with me, brought me beer and swore at God with me. I felt completely surrounded. I could never have gotten through those two years without the amazing people in my life.

At the same time, I felt I was on an island. How could I feel surrounded by so many people that loved me but feel so alone? Well my experience was challenging because there were only a very few people I could be 100% transparent with. This is not to say I didn’t have people in my life that were safe for me, they were there. I just didn’t feel I could be as honest as I wanted to be because they loved Jerilee too.

Voicing my fears of being alone as a single dad of two girls could be perceived as giving up on her. Those fears, however, were precisely what I needed to talk about. From the day I was told she was incurable, I had to process losing my wife by myself. Everyone around me joined her in the belief that she would be healed. I wanted that healing more than anything in this world, but I was also so scared and couldn’t talk about it.

So my experience of pain and suffering was “both and”— the overwhelming love I felt from those amazing people around me as well as the agonizing pain of feeling so alone.

I may sound like a proud papa, but by all accounts, Sara and Mark fit together beautifully. Their hearts intertwined from the first time they met.

Sara has officiated more than 700 funerals in her role as a funeral celebrant and so was perfectly suited to enter Mark’s life even as he was still reeling from the cruel blow he had suffered.

One year ago, on Sept. 23/2023, family and friends joined together in an extraordinarily poignant yet joyful wedding celebration. Since then, their two families have continued to blend together. And both Mark and Sara can smile and love and laugh again.

For any of you who may be in the midst of your own excruciating pain, perhaps from a cancer or heart disease diagnosis, perhaps from a financial or family loss, perhaps from just being alone, allow me to share lyrics from a song I read at their wedding.

Light after darkness, gain after loss
Strength after weakness, crown after cross;
Sweet after bitter, hope after fears
Home after wandering, praise after tears

Sight after mystery, sun after rain
Joy after sorrow, peace after pain;
Near after distant, gleam after gloom
Love aftеr wandering, life after tomb

Alpha and Omega
Beginning and the end
He is making all things new

Springs of living water
Shall wash away each tear
He is making all things new¹

1. All Things New Lyrics – Elaine Hagenberg ↩︎