“The ecstatic power of love makes beings go out of themselves.” So says one of the old spiritual writers. Love draws us out from self-preoccupation to give our full attention to someone else. We see that even in the shallow love of infatuation. The teenage boy focuses completely on the girl with whom he’s infatuated; she takes his attention captive; nothing else matters but her. He has undoubtedly gone out of himself. It is, of course, a temporary love, a divine madness as Plato called it, but it does illustrate this others-centered nature of love that comes about because of strong desire.
In becoming Christians, we make a decision to forget about ourselves and reach out for God’s love and mercy. Before we will do this, however, we must get at least a glimpse of love’s ecstatic power. The beauty of God’s grace freely extended to us must arouse strong desire, strong enough for our attention to break the gravitational pull of self. As we gaze at that beauty, we immediately see it directing us to give our attention to others as well. Jesus made it clear–loving God means loving others.
We may think of being drawn out of ourselves as stepping out onto a bridge to meet someone in the middle. The land on either side represents the two separate selves. That land is our own sovereign territory, the gift of God where we may freely think and reason. However, if we never leave the land, we will never experience love.
“Love is never held alone in one’s self; love always involves another; love always links one’s self to another” (source). Therefore, love resides, not in you or me, but in the bridge between us. I don’t own it nor do you. We share it together.
So what does this bridge of love mean in practice? Of course that’s a huge question which takes a lifetime to learn. But Rick Warren gives us a simple way to think about it. “The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention.” The root meaning of the word attend is to stretch. When we give our attention to another, we stretch ourselves toward them. We walk out onto the bridge between us. Tuning into the needs and interests of our spouses, other family members, and really anyone with whom we have opportunity to do so is the place to start putting love into practice. Listening. Giving ourselves to others.
Something wonderful happens when two individuals meet on the bridge. A third party joins them. Martin Buber beautifully describes this encounter, “When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them.”
Of course, I can only go half way on this bridge. The other must meet me there. Until they are as fully engaged with me as I with them, I must endure the suspension above the void. I must risk the shame of my attentiveness being unrequited. I must endure loneliness if the other is consumed with self.
At such times, it will help us to remember the “ecstatic power” that drew us out of ourselves in the first place. We can remember how we tasted something beautiful, a love that carries us through the good times and the bad, “a love that will not let me go.” We do have a consolation while we abide the emptiness of waiting for a response to our love and friendship–the third party on the bridge demonstrated His love for us to the max, holding nothing back, but completely giving Himself to us on the cross.
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